Vulnerability- How being vulnerable is key to your success (and tips to get you started)

Vulnerability is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty. And what happens when we are uncertain? Fear steps in. We must remind ourselves that fear is just an illusion. Fear is nothing to be scared of because success lies on the other side of fear. I have proven this to myself over and over again. Chase your fears and you will reach peaks you never thought possible. Practice vulnerability as often as you can and it will eventually be second nature and one of the most rewarding things you can offer yourself. Here are some ways to start.

Speak your truth

Speaking your truth means that you get to stay true to who you are. It could be how you feel, opinions, or your morals. Do not hide what you feel for the sake of someone else’s approval. We all have our own belief systems that stem from childhood. Your truth is based on your belief system. Not everyone will agree with your truth but that is the point. Let go of your inner critic, do not over apologize, do not fear conflict and do not be afraid to say NO if it doesn’t serve you. I promise, saying No will get easier, you just have to start. Finally, Don’t take anything personally.

Say No

Saying No is healthy and once you learn to do this, you will experience freedom because “No” – although a small word, it has tremendous power. Especially if you can say “NO” without justifying why. But let’s start small. When we say “No” we are actually saying “Yes” to our well being. It will help you build better boundaries and create healthier relationships, prioritize your needs, and diminish stress & anxiety. How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no. People pleasing is a bad habit and the sooner we stop doing that, the sooner we will find inner peace and happiness. 

Be direct & Let go of the guilt. Saying No should not tarnish any type of relationship,  if it does, it probably wasn’t healthy to begin with and I would honor the ending of that experience.

Be Honest. If you lie in order to say no, this will do more harm than good. People respect honesty and whether you know it or not, most people know when you’re bluffing to get out of something. Give the other person respect and dignity.

Don’t apologize and do not put the blame on someone else. You must practice setting your boundaries and taking full responsibility for your decisions.

I used to feel so guilty if I didn’t live up too someone’s expectations or do what I think they wanted in order to maintain my relationship with them. Ask yourself if you’re living the life that you desire or are you living your life according to others wants & needs.

Ask For Help

First, We have to let go of the need to always be right and the mindset that we know everything. Asking for help is a vulnerable act. A request for help may be looked at as a sign of weakness however it is quite the opposite. It takes incredible strength to put our egos aside and ask someone to help us. It helps us build connections by allowing others to share their experience, ideas and resources. This shows people that you trust and appreciate them while they feel competent in their skills. Asking for help allows for fresh ideas and a new perspective. Humans are built for connection. Being vulnerable and looking to others for support in no way rids you of your independence.

Let Your Ego Go

Easier said than done. Our ego is what we know and who we believe ourselves to be. Whether we inflate ourselves or put ourselves down, our ego is based on beliefs, not facts. When we surrender the lies we tell ourselves, we can reconnect to the reality of who we are. In a lot of ways our ego protects us, in other ways it can be detrimental. The ego needs to be regulated. If we allow our ego to take over, we can destroy personal relationships, working relationships and friendships. Most importantly it effects our well-being. Surrendering the ego is letting go of our opinion good or bad of who we are.  We stop seeing the world as a reflection of our opinion and more for what it actually is. Fight your ego to find your soul.

Put yourself in other people’s shoes. Sometime we are quick to judge and compare. We do not know how a person was raised or what their circumstances are. At this point you’re creating a made up story to justify why you feel a certain way in order to make a judgment.

Do not compare yourself to others. No one person is better than another. We are all human. We are all intelligent, beautiful energy. We all have a purpose here on earth.

Be humble. Recognize what you need to work on and be grateful for what you have. At some point in your life, you dreamed of the life you’re currently living. Now that you have it, you are dreaming for more. Enjoy what you have in the moment and what it took to get here, but don’t forget where you came from and that not everyone walks the same path.

Chase Your Fears

Do you want to do something but scared to make the jump? Then do it! Whatever scares you is what you need to chase. Success is waiting on the other side of fear and life is short! We may not wake up tomorrow so do what scares you and I promise you will have no regrets. I mean, what is the worst that can happen? Failure? Failure is not scary. Failure is a discovery. You discover what not to do moving forward. I always tell my kids, we don’t make mistakes we make discoveries. You do not want to look back at your life years from now with regrets. We are here on this earth to make a splash, so jump in the pool!

Think Outside The Box

Do something others are unwilling to do. Years ago, after I sold my salon, I had been applying for positions to get back in IT. I always wanted to work for AWS which is Amazon’s Cloud platform. I submitted my resume dozens of times with no response. I had to do something unordinary. What was I going to do to stand out from hundreds of applicants? I decided to do some digging and I was able to find Andy Jassy’s email address (CEO of AWS at the time). I wrote him a quick email expressing my desire to work for the tech giant. 1 hour later, a recruiter reached out to me for an interview and Andy personally wrote me back! Do something unordinary and you will see the difference.

Practicing vulnerability is the key to your success and overall happiness. Challenge yourself, try new things and lead with love & light because you are worth it.